The Deadly 7 in Las Vegas
“It was dangerous lunacy, but it was also the kind that a real connoissuer of edge work could make and argument for.”–Excerpt from Fear and Loathing… The assignment: Go to Las Vegas and see the Deadly Seven. The real assignment: Don’t die. The reason: Preparation for the SIA trade show. The real reason: It’s Vegas, you don’t need a reason. As of yesterday the ridiculous announcement came that the Vegas trade show, sometimes called the SIA trade show will be held in Denver starting in 2 years. WTF? How can you have the Vegas trade show in Denver? That’s like a vegetarian that only eats meat! That’s like a snowboarder who skis! Unfortunately people, there is nothing we can do about it, so we need to make these next two years count. As one who sees the value in bringing the pain to a new level we here at SNOWBOARD are going to guide you through the end of an era. Aside from that blasphemy, am I the only one who has noticed that besides the illicit drug use, weeklong blackouts and unchecked gambling binges that the trade show has become a total bitch-out? I mean how long has it been since we rocked the shit out of that place? When was the last time Social D played? When was the last time we saw a legit punk rock show out there? Honestly, I’ve got nothing wrong with some hip-hop-hooray–but every year? So as a favor to the community at large I have taken it upon myself to get this party started. This year I want you to leave with a warrant and an STD that you can be proud of. May I introduce to you, ladies and gentlemen, THE DEADLY SEVEN! Who are the Deadly Seven? Well, the truth is, words cannot properly describe these charming young ladies. From what I gather though they are mercenaries sent from the very depths of hell on a suicide mission to convert all unbelievers. They are tasteless, they are offensive and they will eat you alive. As a rule, they prefer as little clothing as possible, and can remove a man’s heart in a nanosecond–Kill Bill style. They are unchained banshees on the loose and they are here to rock your balls off. In essence, they are exactly what you are looking for. And yes, you will get to see them LIVE this January in Las Vegas at the Snowboard Magazine party. Last weekend Dave G and I made the trek to Vegas to meet these girls on an investigative mission that saw us visit all nine circles of Lucifer’s raging inferno. PRIDE. Interests include: cagefights, dirt, goats, hell, PBR, dead stuff, final judgement Envy. Interests include: Explosives, chainsaws, scabs, sinning, unprotected sex (with satan), pain Sloth. Interest include: ultra violence, bacon, roadkill, peeing standing up, experimenting, snowboarders named Nate, paganism Wrath. Interests include: maggots, impurity, blood bathing, scalping, Dave, not doing the right thing, tricks, scurvy Greed. Interests include: taxidermy, thresholds, eye gougeing, sacrifice, designer drugs, cucumbers, doing stuff for money Gluttony. Interests include: Arbys, pigs blood, handplants, multiple partners, sharing needles, injured rodents, chaffing Mr D. Curator of all things ruinous It all started with some shredding at Loveland on friday morning. Here’s Erkko Alm getting O-so-Gay …and DG doing a backside 180 off a bump Erkko and Dave looking crispy The wasteland scene on the way to Vegaas Average speed….something Dave would later regret to the tune of $432 We’re there dude. Freemont street, site of the Beauty Bar where D7 was playing.After taking the token “yeah I’m in Vegas and I’m rad” shot we headed to a dark alley to meet up with the ladies and their manager, the infamous Mr. D, for some pre-game drinks and photos. They were kind enough to let us into the motorhome/dressing room and talk shop (evil) for a bit before they slaughtered a pig per their pre-gig ritual. The mastermind behind a New World Order–conspirator, Mr. D Dave lending a hand where a hand is needed. Gluttony. Moments later the mag spontaneously burst into flames. Sloth reading the Tom Burt interview. We spoke later about TB5 and how it could be argued that it has the best soundtrack in the history of snowboard cinema. Lust really wanted to wear the November issue instead of her g-string but I convinced her that it might compromise her integrity. Me and Pride. or is it I and Pride. I don’t know, but she touched me. The spawn of Satan Pre-show beatdown. In this case the benefits far outweighed the pain. the Deadly 7 launching into the set opener “Wild in the Streets” by the Circle Jerks. About 20 seconds in I knew that these girls were for real. Seven deadly sins. Seven ways to win. Seven holy paths to HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! SEVEN! Here is the e-mail I got when I first proposed doing a show with them. Ay Ay Captain! We are down But we are a costly show We come with 10 riot police 4 pig masked slave boys in their underwear 4 WWF masked personal security guards Explosions tons of Blood We fuck people up… One of us O.D.’s at least every show and somewhere in the show paramedics are called in to carry at least one of us out. We would even release a live Lion or pissed off Ostrich if we could. We make G.G Alin look like a Catholic boy! Do they have a budget?? We guarantee your show will be legendary! Even if one of us has to die! SOLD! Wrath summoning the beast of the underworld. Lust and Wrath Gluttony, pre O.D. Tired of these photos yet? Didn’t think so. Overdosing; just one of her many talents. Sgt. Blak Kunt of the Kunts Envy, nurturing her unborn goatboy. Let there be blood. So there it is. Oh how I would love to show you the rest of the pictures and tell you the rest of the story but I’m afraid they both fall under the “vegas clause”. I can tell you one thing though, these chicks fucking slaughtered it covering songs by Fear, Queens of the Stone Age, Pat Benetar, and throwing in a couple of thier originals–this show smacked me sideways. So be afraid because come January you all shall bear witness to the wicked and depraved spectacle of the Deadly 7. but wait it’s not over… Dave looking unreasonably relaxed in the company of a demon after the show. Pride was evil enough to have some drinks with us after the show before she ripped the very fabric of our souls apart As if that wasn’t enough the next two days on the outskirts of town was the annual Vegoos festival going on.Iggy Pop, QOTSA, Daft Punk, Rage Against the Fucking Machine, Muse, Cypress Hill….. Sen Dog Josh from Queens of the Stone Age Matt Belamy from Muse Scorching! Heavy Fretwork. That not even make up. Vegas was beginning to take it’s toll. My Hero. Iggy Pop I hope I look this good when I’m 55 “Break everything! Fuck it up!” “My idea of fun is killing everyone.” Good God Damn that was a hell of a weekened. Sorry I didn’t take any pictures of Rage but there comes a point where you just gotta put the camera away and rip all of you hair out. I don’t know what else to tell ya so I’ll leave you with a couple of photos that say it all. Dave had to have his face reattached after it was melted off. And me…well, the truth is in the eye of the beholder. For more information on how to sell your soul to the devil click on: www.myspace/thedeadlyseven. And to see their performance last Friday click on: www.rawvegas.tv. (if it’s not on the home page go to the seach box and type in Deadly 7, you’ll thank yourself) and the Vegoose festival www.vegoose.com. SO IT SHALL BE WRITTEN. SO IT SHALL BE DONE.